Sitting across from my hudband feeling like its akward first date…
It’s been 2 weeks now since my little Lia arrived and a whirlwind of changes has happened. I guess things change when a baby comes into your life, and different things come into perspective. For me, what changed was my whole outlook on life, on my own lifestyle. Yes, I still enjoy the fancy, but its not as important as I used to see it. Right now, Lia’s safety seems to be the only important thing for me. In the case of my husband, things have changed drastically. I would have never expected this to come about.
I have always taken care of myself and praying that I would not have post partum depression, little did I know that this existed in men as well. During the course of my pregnancy, everything seemed wonderful, blissful even. Me and my husband were happy, he was supportive and caring. All of that changed the moment I went into labor.
He was panicked and anxious, and even asked not to come to the OR for my C-section. Goodbye to my dreams of having my husband hold my hand throughout the ordeal. I didn’t know anything was wrong during the 3 day stay at the hospital, which was stupid of me. I should have noticed it sooner. He looked at our baby in strange ways, constantly questioning me if everything was normal with her. Whenever Lia would cry he’s look so stressed out and just scared. I thought that was normal given the circumstances, first child and all that. But what we came home to was something I didn’t expect.
My husband who usually joked around and laughed with me all the time was now quiet, withdrawn, empty. It was like talking to a ghost. For the past week he wasn’t sleeping, even though I slept in the other room with the baby. After one week, I had decided to confront him about his negative attitude and it all came out. I urged him to talk thinking it would make things better, but it didn’t it continued and I realized that this was more than just simply a sleep problem. It has been days of crying myself to sleep thinking about how much he’s changed and how much more complicated our situation has become that it has taken time off me enjoying Lia. I looked up post partum depression for men, not really knowing it existed but it really did.
Reading about this makes me scared. I don’t know how it will affect me, our baby, and our marriage. I love my husband and I’m trying to be there for him to make him see this blessing in our lives but I just feel like breaking down, Im exhausted mentally, emotionally and I don’t know what to do. This was supposed to be the time for me to rest and be taken cared of but instead, Im taking care of both my husband and my baby. Trying to hold my family together is the hardest thing I have to do at this time. Sad part is, I cant do anything about it.
Be aware. Not all dads are prepared to take on fatherhood. Its best to be ready. Use the nine months to prepare emotionally and mentally. Its not worth the trouble when the baby comes. Have pity on your baby. They are blessings.
My Paulina is here! Born 11-11-13 at 6pm. 7lbs 13 oz and 20.5 in. Yummy cheeks!
So yesterday, November 10, was my due date and to my disappointment, no baby yet! So I spent the day pretty much pissed and bitched about my discomfort not knowing that later that night, well much later, around midnight I couldnt sleep, was feeling uncomfortable, anxious. I think I peed about a million times in an hour, then it started.
Strong cramping and bad pain around my back, at first I didnt wanna believe it due to the fact that I’ve had a false alarm before. I didnt wanna be charged for going to the hospital for false labor, so I sucked it up for another couple hours. The pain just started to intensify, to the point the sitting and lying down were impossible. Woke my mom up to help me shower and get ready, woke hubby up and now here we are! Im in labor, 5cm and can i say thank you God for epidural!
Its been a very long nine months for me, and well its not easy in the least. They say the last month is the hardest and indeed it is. I still have all the discomforts of back pain and pelvic pain, that seemed to have increased in a week’s time, walking and changing positions now need to be guarded because it feels like a surgical wound splitting open down there. Its not the best feeling in the world too. I love my baby but this is just torture.
Last Sunday, I had the worst bunch of contractions and I almost thought that it was it. A whole day of pure agony, with contractions 10 mins apart, but at the end of the day it all went away, and when I went to see the Doctor the next day, all he said was “everything is fine, nothing to worry about.” no further discussions and he stepped out after less than 20 mins with me. Frustrated!
So now, I have two more days til due date and I am officially in anxiety mode because I know that on my next appointment on Monday, It will be the same, if my water has not broken or labor has not started, he will still tell me that everything is ok and I have 2 more weeks. Who the heck wants to wants to wait til the 42nd week?!
Last night, at 35 weeks and 6 days I had my first false alarm rush to the hospital. I been having bad cramps and really dull back pains the past few weeks, and though I am a nurse, I honestly cannot and do not have any idea if those cramps were considered contractions.
I get how everyone says contractions are like really bad menstrual cramps, and I know bad menstrual cramps, I’ve been having those for years! And last night really fit the bill. It was just really bad.
I didn’t wanna call the doctor or rush to the delivery room just like that, I had a feeling I would just end up being sent home, so I sat out in the sofa, walked around the living room, stretched out my back and waited for the pain to ease. But 2 hours later, I felt like I had enough and decided to call my mother, who told me to call the doctor. Ofcourse he said to come to the hospital.
at around 3am, I woke my husband up and we went to the hospital with my aches and pains still not subsiding. When we got there, It was the usual drill, they got me in the bed, in a gown hooked me up to the monitors. A resident came to examine me and told me that I was still at 2cm and 50% effaced, the baby wasn’t that low yet and that I was in the stage of pre labor. In short, go home and come back when you are in active labor.
Oh well that was fun! Spent 2 hours at the delivery room only to find out my back pains were not from being in labor. So labor must be worst than how I was feeling? Now I’m definitely not looking forward to it. At least we got do a practice run. I still wished it was the real thing, I hate having to live through this for another week or more.